I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
