I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
then he tried to convert me to islam
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
