you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize