Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
