Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
