Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
