I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
