I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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