I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
