Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
