Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
