it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
