They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
