Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
