I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
