your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
