I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
