The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
