Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
