he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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