I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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