I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize