i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
