Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
