i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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