just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
