i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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