You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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