We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
