This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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