Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
