glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
