So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
