I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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