I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize