Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
tell me about the eggs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
