I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize