I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
