I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found puke in my bra..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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