whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
