Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
