I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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