I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
