oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
