omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
