Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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