i don't like sucking hair
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sex in a hospital.. check
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
