I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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