she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Who died my cat blue again?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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