I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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