I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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