Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize