Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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