doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
