If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
