Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
