Umm I'm too high to move.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How does one acquire holy water?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize