My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize