Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
