He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
