we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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