Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
