do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
