I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
