Duck Duck Cougar?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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