Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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