I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
