He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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