listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize