It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
